I have to be honest. When we had my tubes untied last July I was SURE I’d be pregnant within a couple of months. Not only was I not pregnant, but my body quit doing everything is was supposed to do. And for the first time it occured to me that I might not be able to give my husband a child. He may never know what’s it’s like to watch a little piece of yourself come screaming into the world....or what it’s like to have your own “mini me” look up at you with big eyes and melt your heart with “I luv you”. Of course he says that it doesn’t matter as long as he has me, but somewhere deep down I feel like a failure. I feel like my body won’t do the most basic thing a woman’s body is supposed to do...create and carry life.
Everyone says, “Oh, just relax and it will happen”. REALLY? Maybe when you’re 20 or 30, but at 44 we don’t have the luxury of time to just sit back and see what happens. If one more person tells me to relax and just let it happen I’m going to SNAP. Don’t get me wrong, I know everyone means well, but it’s a little more complicated than just relax.
One doctor believes in Invitro Fertilization - Another Intra Uterine Insemination - Another in fertility drugs alone - But the one thing they all agree on are the statistics of getting pregnant. In your 20’s you have a 20% chance of getting pregnant each month. At 44 it’s down to 1%. And while we “ignore” the ugly numbers and try to keep positive, the numbers are still real.
From all the testing we’ve had done we’ve found out we’re pretty normal for our ages. I don’t have a lot of egg left, but the ones I do are great quality. Within the next couple of months we’re going to try a round of injectable fertility drugs with Intrauterine Insemination. At $2300 bucks a pop we have one - MAYBE two tries...then we’re on our own - with a clock ticking so loudly it sounds like a scene from and Edgar Allen Poe story.
With any luck by the end of the summer we’ll be holding a positive pregnancy test, staring in disbelief that’s it really true. And if not I’ll mourn the loss of my fertility and find a way to move on. Either way - I get to do what I love and I got to marry my best friend....what more could a girl ask for.