Today marked 3 weeks since we arrived in LA and I went to Beverly Hills to meet a fertility specialist wearing my pajama jeans.  Mostly because they’re the only jeans that really fit me....all these fertility meds have helped me pack on 20 pounds.  Who gains weight to move to LA?  The women here are 2‘s and 4‘s, not 12‘s. I get looks. I’m going to start telling people I’m down 150 pounds but I just can’t get off this last 30.  Screw them, they don’t know my life.

It was $350 for the office visit and “We don’t validate parking”...welcome to Beverly Hills.  Actually the doctor was wonderful and I’m ever hopeful our journey will have a happy ending.  We’re getting some important test results back next week.  If the number is over 1 the journey continues...If it’s under 1 then we’re done.  COME ON 2.4!!!!!

It’s been a pretty good week.  I did my first show in LA at the world famous Comedy Store.  It was The C Word Show in the Belly Room.  It had a great lineup of comics and I fit right in.  I’m funny in LA.  YAY.  I know that sounds crazy, but going on stage in a big city is a little terrifying.  What if I’m not funny here?  What if they don’t like me?  What if my comedy doesn’t work here?  I got great response from the audience, but maybe more importantly I think I gained the respect of the some of the comics in the room.  A few went out of their way to walk across the room in the dark and tell me great set.  I even got fisted - I mean a couple of fist bumps.  I’m one of the LA cool kids.  Well, not really, but it’s a start.  Thanks to all the clubs, bookers and fans that let me work it out on the road for the last five years!  I love you all.  Thanks for helping me get ready for my dream.

I read a great quote tonight - oddly enough while searching for a new comforter.  It spoke to me...like I’m sure it will so many others...

FAITHFULLY, FEARLESSLY, FOREVER.  

How’s that for motivation for the journey. Plus I figure, if I can pull of Pajama Jeans in Beverly Hills there’s nothing I can’t accomplish.  I got this.

We sat watching the Oscars on TV and it hit me that all those celebrities were just 7 miles from my apartment;  John Travolta, Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts, Amy Adams, Matthew McConaughey and even Adele Nazeem. I’m sure the night buzzed with after parties filled with fabulous people wearing all the right fashions.

It’s such a bizarre realization to know you’re in the land of swimming pools and movie stars.  Stages where guys like Kinison, Hicks and Pryor worked out. Hotels with floors that were destroyed by Led Zepplin.  Streets, stores and landmarks we’ve all seen on TV and in movies a thousand times. Famous zip codes (90210), famous streets (Mullholland), sidewalks lined with stars and the Hollywood sign that overlooks the city like a beacon of hope for so many dreamers. AND I LIVE HERE.

Around the corner from our apartment is a yummy Mexican restaurant that’s open 24 hours.  Nine miles away is the world famous Comedy Store and The Laugh Factory and we’re just 25 minutes from the Santa Monica pier.  Theoretically we live near Aaron Paul and Kim Kardashian and are just miles from where they tape Sons of Anarchy, The Price is Right and Mike & Molly.  It’s a little like Fantasy Land for adults.  A place where they come from far and near to put it all on the line and hope they’ve got what it takes.  Sure, it would have been easier and less expensive to live almost anywhere but here, but then again I truly believe life isn’t worth living if you can’t believe in something great for yourself.  Even when it’s scary and overwhelming - Believe in something GREAT - it’s better than the alternative.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.”

~Mark Twain

I always thought I was pretty outgoing and that my life was filled with lots of great friends.  As I got older I learned that I had a lot of people I knew and just a few really good friends.  And now that I’ve moved from city to city chasing a dream I’ve realized that I don’t really have any friends.  It’s like being the new kid in school year after year and just when you find people you really like it’s time to move again.  And the friends I’d had since high school fade further and further away.  It’s hard being the new kid in town.

Don’t get me wrong, I get to work with some great comics that I love.  They’re intelligent and creative and salt of the earth people, but while I’m headed in this direction they’re headed in that direction and our paths rarely cross.  

I’ve also learned in the last few years that I’m a lot more shy and awkward than I realized.  Put me on stage in front of a few hundred people and I come to life.  Put me in a room full of strangers and I shut down.  I have no idea how to start a conversation with someone I don’t know and even less of an idea how to make a connection.  

I think it’s the road.  I remember when I used to have a normal life.  Lived in one spot, worked at one place, had weekends off, went to Mary Kay parties or Pure Romance parties and had other women that I worked with and had things in common with.  Life was definitely easier back then.  Now I work when most people are off, I’m home and free while they’re working, and I’m probably going to be in a completely different state when they want to do get together and do something fabulous.  

Today was a victory.  I got on a show at The Comedy Store.  It’s a big deal to me and a great night to go out and celebrate.  But being the new kid in town I don’t have a single girlfriend yet to call.  Luckily my son took pity on me and we went to dinner and a movie. I would have been truly lost tonight without him.

I guess the point to all this is to love the friends you have and don’t take them for granted.  Be true, be honest and be there.  Friends are important for everyone, but i think especially for women.  We truly need the connection.  We need friends.  Good friends.  Enduring friends.  Women in our lives that have been where we’ve been, are going where we headed and that will have our backs no matter what.  We need a friend that will cry with us, one that will tell us the truth no matter how hard, one that will show up no matter what time, and one that will love us no matter what we’ve done.  Being a woman is too hard to do alone....it takes a village!

I’ve been on the road full time since 2009.  In the last five years I’ve worked about 211 weeks, been on stage in front of around 60,000 people and driven 200,000 miles.  Because when you’re a Road Comic, that’s what you do.  But in LA you GET IN LINE.

I used to get on stage every week and if there was an off week I was home I could run up to The Comedy Caravan and get some stage time.  But LA is a completely different beast.  If you’re “Somebody” or have a manager you can pretty much get a set whenever you want, but if you’re like me...a road comic that no one has ever heard of it’s a little more difficult.  Who am I kidding...it’s a LOT more difficult.  If I want to get on stage say at The Laugh Factor in LA, I have to show up around 3:00 p.m. so I can be one of the first 15 people in line to sign up at 6:00 p.m. to get on the open mic a week later.  The Comedy Store has a lottery, HaHa’s is “pay to play”, The Improv is impossible....Tonight I’ll be going to a club...hope that I can get on the open mic so I can get 3 min probably somewhere around 11 pm or so on a Tuesday night.  Lord Jesus.  

I know I’m in a new place and it’s part of the process, part of the journey, but at the moment it makes me feel like the last seven years were for nothing.  Of course, I know that’s not true, the last seven years made me a pretty damn good comic.  But the first few years on the road is when you pay your dues.  Unless you move to a new city then you start paying your dues all over again.

God grant me the serenity to accept the fact that it’s hard to get stage time, The courage to keep going for it, and the wisdom to know that Dreams aren’t easy, but they’re worth it.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined.”  Good advice Thoreau....I’m trying sir....I’m trying.